So many words passed between two hearts to last a lifetime. And long before I found my rhyme, I found truth in the things she said. She saw me as something I never saw in myself, this spritely elf of a girl with her up turned nose and bright brown eyes that rose to meet mine when my own nose touched hers. She said, “You have too much heart for one girl, and yet you give it to me alone.” And all the love that shone in her eyes said all that she needed to say.
She developed her Anorexic affliction, which became her addiction of diet drinks and urges to purge breakfast, lunch and dinner. I should have had a hunch. She said she was fine and my mind accepted her lie. Again with those eyes, I could not find the words to say. Right up until the day her parents drove me away. She was left with nothing to say.
Years of tears and fears and the “grief” of losing her to the grip holding tighter than I, took their toll on a soul who loved her more than she’d know. It would start a series of new beginnings and endings, mendings and breakings. And then again, she would say goodbye.
More grief to consume me, a doom worse than a thousand deaths, being left to live with the specter of her in constant memory that would burn until her last return. She said she was sorry for our every story that ended in pain. She said she’d never leave me again. She said she would love me until the day she died. And she said one last thing. She said she was dying.
Acceptance will come
in the breath of last goodbyes,
as she closed her eyes
© Walter J. Wojtanik – 2016