Eldon Bridgewater was a broken man,
wings clipped and his horn bent; eyes
as blind as the moment he could no longer
see the light in his soulful noise. The boys in the band
would stand in ovation each night, homage
to the blackbird within longing to be free
of this tired and darkened life. As long as he could
arise to the levels of Parker and Coltrane,
he knew he was not dead. Dread the man
who would silence his muse!
(C) Copyright Walter J Wojtanik – 2014
THE SUNDAY WHIRL – WORDLE #159
ALTERNATE ENDING:
In the dead of night you sing,
wings spread but broken and your flight is dead.
A blackbird lost; tossed
into a life with sunken eyes, it’s no surprise
you’ve never learned to see your way free
of the darkness and into the light.
You are hinged on the moment
when your broken appendages lift you. Arise,
your waiting is over.
(C) Copyright Walter J Wojtanik – 2014
THE SUNDAY WHIRL – WORDLE #159
THROUGH THE EYES OF A POET'S HEART 
There comes the day when music days.. I’m glad as long as it does not… broken but not defeated.
I like these, Walt. Favorite lines are ‘eyes as blind as the moment he could no longer see the light in his soulful noise,” and “arise, your waiting is over.” Well wordled.
Nice work! Someday our waiting will be over, too, but don’t silence your muse.
Both takes are excellent. I really like the first… the beautiful, plaintive jazz of the blind musician comes through… I hear the horn. I hear the art. Longing to fly… nicely penned.
Very much enjoyed the rhythym and crispness of the first – Enjoyed and felt the aching in the second… Perhaps change the last line of the first … Hmmm I don’t think you were seeking a critique – There is a soulful jazzy poem here playing in both incarnations –
Last line in the first, hummm? It may need revisiting, Pearl. I need to ruminate on that one! Thanks.
I think the last line of the first is great, Walt. The switch to 2nd person is quite powerful… I really like them both, but it’s like comparing apples to oranges.
I enjoy the character development within this one, Walt. Nicely spun!
I prefer the second ending – more upbeat, but both poems are full of emotion (and music, of course)
I like them both, Walt. Well wordled.
Love both as well, Walt. Nicely done.
Pamela
I like both for different reasons. Like the character portrayal in the first, the understanding of the artist and his relationship to his art. The second one is filled with hope and the knowledge that many of us are saved by the art we express.
Elizabeth
http://soulsmusic.wordpress.com/
I liked both of these …it would be interesting to meld the two and see what you come up with 😉 first time here..
I like the story you give us in the first one…and makes me want to turn on some Coltrane…smiles. And I like the hope and encouragement in the second!
I think I like the alternate ending!