Walt Update

I have visited our friend. He is in relatively good spirits, although he does look haggard. Walt has given me his jump drive to post the following message on his blog.  GK

They said I can write a little. How magnanimous! About a page. How generous!

You’ve heard the phrase, “The first step toward recovery, is admitting you have a problem”. I didn’t have a problem. Up for work at 5:30 and not “sleeping” more than three hours a night from 1 A.M. I didn’t have a problem. Narcoleptic fits at work, nodding incessantly at my computer  with my finger on the return key for pages and pages. I didn’t have a problem. According to the people at Forest Lawn Cemetery, I snore. LOUDLY. I didn’t have a problem. Sleep study after sleep study where I would sleep undisturbed through the night to be told I didn’t have a problem. They’re calling this Exhaustion? Chronic fatigue syndrome (CFS) in actuality. Exhaustion is too simple a word. It say’s, “I think I’ll catch a nap. I’m a bit tired.” It does carry that for sure. I am a LOT tired. But it does not speak for the rest of it. The angst and irritability. Muscle achiness; uncoordinated. The palpitations and paranoia. The continuous headaches and appetite disruptions. The outbursts and memory loss. Dependency on “sleep aids” (they provided neither) and caffeine addiction . Depression and manic behavior. The dark side of my persona is an ugly fucker, and I’ve unfortunately come to know him all too well. The falling asleep at the wheel again recently was the final nail. I have a problem. Even “EXTREME EXHAUSTION” falls a bit short.

So the first step toward recovery has me being “forced” to sleep. Not much more I can do. Except this, briefly. No internet connection. Just my netbook for a little while with spaghetti squash for a brain. I tend to ramble. I am amazed I was able to continue to write through this. When I get the chance, I will go back and read some of it. I don’t remember any of it. I’m sure it has suffered.

It warms my heart to no end, knowing you are all out there with your well wishes and good thoughts for a tired, haranged and debunked poet. I’ve let a lot of people down, most importantly, myself. My girls have been my anchors.

I have seen many of the comments that have been posted. Thanks to Marie and Dyson and all the rest of you, my dearest friends who my friend Cathy calls my “adoring public” (I don’t know about THAT!). I will write you all something personally later when things get back to semi-normal for me. (Those who know me know I’ve never been  normal). Know you are all appreciated.

Enough for now. I think I’ll catch a nap, I’m a bit tired. Yeah I know, that ain’t funny. Walt.

P.S. – Thanks for your help, G.


12 thoughts on “Walt Update

  1. So good to hear from you, Walt. I don’t know how many of the well-wishes, poems, and prayers you have been able to see, but they are piling up. Hold that thought, k?

    Sweet dreams. I’d sing you a lullaby, but my voice isn’t what it used to was. 😉

  2. Thank you G.K. We can stop worrying a little.

    It’s good to see a little irascibility in your note, Walt. The poetry blogosphere feels a little emptier without your voice.


  3. Walt,

    I’m sure there was a time when even Spongebob felt all squeezed out. Allow yourself to suck up the energy you need. Take your time. We know where we can enjoy your poetry ‘reruns’ until you’re ready to make new episodes. 🙂

    Love, from your ‘adoring’ fans.

  4. Hannah Gosselin

    Anchor yourself in the love of your daughters and friends, Walt. I admire your honesty, it takes a man of true heart to reveal the “dark-side,” to the world. I can speak for myself here and probably others would agree we all have dark-sides. The key is exposing them to the light. Dark can’t exist in the Light. I’ll be praying. Healing smiles for miles…

    1. Hannah, my dear Hannah! If anyone could bring out this smile, it is surely you. You are another true heart. I’m glad you were placed in my life. That goes for the rest of you all too. Everything for a reason.

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